Happy birthday to me :(

Today's my birthday and I sit alone in my room as unpleasant memories unfold and tears stream down my face. Some say it's a state of my mind but why can't they see that I am really hurting? Stop complaining so much Sairah you got your gifts just be happy...I would give it all back plus more to just feel loved today. All my life I felt my birth was nothing to be celebrated. I watch you celebrate their birthday with such joy and happiness not giving them a moment to feel alone or sad...why is it different with me? I only aim to please you but what's a smile really worth?? This is the story of my life...the Saga of my tears...a story told a thousand times just to be stepped on and thrown around like an overblown balloon almost ready to burst...if you listen closely you might be able to hear the beating of my heart...its getting slower and slower every passing day...they say that life never gets u more then u can handle...well god im on the floor face down and can't seem to get myself up...I lost everything I had ever wanted and never thought it could get any worst...they tell me I over react...that I make things bigger then they are..did they sit alone in a dark closet hoping and praying he wouldn't find them? Did they get kicked over and over because you were a burden to everyone you came in contact with? Is it bad to want to be loved? :( If it is god just take me...I can't handle this pain... I asked you for one day...just one day...It couldn't go the first way I wanted so I asked for a plan B...you took that away from me too... :( day after day...night after night..the world moves as i lay still staring at my plain white bedroom walls...I lie on my bed screaming and crying in my head so no one can hear me...the pain won't go away :( it goes with me everywhere...like my shadow..constantly there...Things have never been alright you know...for a while I wondered how I'd get through day by day...How can I pretend that I'm not in pain? No one knows what I'm feeling... My heart is pounding..I'm full of sadness and rage...I need someone to please let me out of this cage :( ...I have seen so much and felt so much pain...but no one knows what I feel...hold my hands and look me in the eyes...take me back to when I had no worries and no pain...someone please help me up and take me away from here...I'm ready to be on my way...let me close my eyes and fade with the day...I hurt deep down inside...so many mixed exmotions...I'm broken cut and bleeding...I tasted life...like a stray dog she says..that got fed once and never went away...alone I stand ...I cry day and night with no comfort...I cry every night and no one hears me under my covers..life is so hard...there's no one here...no one to tuck me into bed at night...no one to hold me when I need to cry...if not any other day but just for today :( god please help me...Just for today...well Sairah...Happy birthday to you...stop complaining she says...you got your gifts just be happy...you can have them back...all of them...that's not what I needed...your just a stray dog she says that got fed and never went away...even a stray dog doesn't get treated like you treat me...Happy birthday to me :) Happy birthday to me